I’ve been planning for a ‘year-ender’ post for the past few weeks of my life, and whenever I sit down to try to write it, I could never really get myself to do so in a manner that fit what I felt about 2010. Then, I unfortunately got hit by a bug for which I still do not have a proper diagnosis, and even though I am still sort of sickly today, I am going to try and write about the year that was and what I hope this coming year will be.

I talked about 2010 on this post on Christmas day, and I was honestly making my way through a voluminous backlog of several blog entries to see if I could manage a re-cap. I think I might have gotten a bit lazy, but here, briefly.

Juding from these resolutions from last year, I think I’ve done good. To address the notable:

• Whenever I think about the first resolution, my chest swells honestly swells up. I meant to work on my fiction, but I got to do a lot of writing for publications instead. Which is pretty frakking awesome. I still really need to work on it, but it has been such a good year for me, writing-wise. I was fixing my writing portfolio a few weeks ago, and I couldn’t help but feel really happy.
• Met tons of new people. They’ve mostly been great, and they’ve mostly been “in real life,” yes. :)
• I read 54 (49 new, 5 re-reads) in 2010. Re-cap coming soon!
• Courage & Kindness are things I will take with me into 2011, definitely.

A lot of things that I was hoping would happen in 2010 didn’t happen, and I suppose that lent to me having a lot of my down days. I really, really hoped for a lot of things that didn’t push through, and even the smallest things weighed really heavily on me. On the other hand, lot of things I didn’t expect to happen, did.

2010 was the year I went on a trip without my family. It was the year I got nearly killed by thesis, was awarded with a Loyola Schools Art Award (that I still keep on my desk for when I feel really bad about myself—ha!), graduated from school forever, flew to another country to see a band play, got a 9-to-5, earned my own money, tried painting, tried selling stuff, wrote for magazines, contracted a strain of dengue fever, and did a lot of other things I wouldn’t otherwise have done if it wasn’t for (what I’d like to believe to have been) courage.

And the thing that I took away from all of this is that the world is so alive with possibility, that when something doesn’t happen, it doesn’t mean that something else isn’t coming your way. One of my favorite things I did this year was a sort-of interview with Doctor Who‘s Noel Clarke for STATUS Magazine, and what he said really helped me through a lot of things:

“The only thing I can say is that young people should persevere. Think on your feet, always. They say if one door closes another one opens but that is not true. If one door closes, figure out how you are going to get through it, over it, under it, whatever. And if that does not work then go through a window. Work on your craft and never give up.”

And it’s a tricky thing, this never-giving-up thing. Because you come up with so many reasons why you should… but you don’t, and you push through all the crap and stick with it a little bit longer. And you look back, see the things you’ve fought against, and you’re a little bit proud of yourself because you held on, and you didn’t quit.

Some things are worth grabbing a hold of—dreams, people, jobs—despite the odds and the circumstances. You may have to let go of a few other things along the way—other dreams, other jobs, YOUR DIGNITY—but if these things are worth it, I don’t suppose those losses would matter much.

(I was going to write out my 2010 Life Lessons! and, goals and resolutions for 2011, but I think I need a little more introspection, so I’ll be back tomorrow.)