Sure, it’s not the last day of the year yet, but I have slowly been making rounds around my blog archives and other means of internet documentation (music plays, books read, etc) and I am feeling as though so much has happened for me this year. 2010 is such a nice, round number, and it really made me think that Great Things were about to happen. It’s funny how a succession of numbers that don’t really mean anything—at least nothing that I am privy to, since I’m pretty much clueless when it comes to numerology—can give off that feeling of Mattering and of Significance. I don’t know about you, but 2010 really had a nice ring to it. And so, I expected and I hoped and I was met with a lot of failing.

If anything, this was the year of Trying Times, and I mean this phrase to mean more things than one. High highs coupled with low lows, and everything else being coated by a generally hopeless disposition. Post-graduation ,everyone went about throwing around the term “quarter-life crisis,” and making ourselves feel better by using the word “funemployed” to describe our own respective states of loss. But underneath this self-deprecating veneer, most of us were all, quite unfunnily, at a loss as to what the next steps were.

I’ve taken so many detours and side steps, and I’ve wrestled with so much uncertainty. I guess it comes with wanting to get the best for myself, but I’m constantly questioning whether this decision was the best, or if I was settling. I do think that most of the pains I went through were necessary sadnesses, things I needed to experience if only to arrive at the things I know now. I’ve tried new things, and I’m glad that I did.

2010 has been a tough time for me, but the truth is, I’ve had a lot of help along the way. Even though I had never experienced this much disappointments and failures before in my life, I can’t help but feel really grateful for everything. Like I told a few of my friends earlier this month, I quite liked 2010 more than I hated it, and I say this in all earnestness. If the good things do come with the bad, then I’d have to say that I would still want it all, anyway.

Because there are still a few more days left before 2010 ends, I’m going to save the year-in-review for later. I’m just really grateful for opportunities, second chances, and the occasional surges of boldness that have allowed me to try new things that were scary, but also, ultimately fulfilling.

I have a lot of things to say to a lot of people, but I suppose I have six days to muster up the courage to tell them, instead of copping out and typing them in a blog entry.

And, in closing, a tiny Christmas mix for you, comprised of eight meager tracks. I always mean to post Christmas mixes, but they always come together way too late. This is what I have so far, and I hope you like them regardless of their being Christmas-y:

1. The Only Gift That I Need — Dashboard Confessional
2. Linus and Lucy — Vince Guaraldi Trio
3. The Christmas Song — The Raveonettes
4. Xmas Time Is Here — My Morning Jacket
5. Baby, It’s Cold Outside (cover) — Darren Criss & Chris Colfer (Glee)
6. Christmas TV — Slow Club
7. Baby, Please Come Home (Darlene Love cover) — Death Cab For Cutie
8. Christmas Time Is Here (Vince Guaraldi Trio cover) — Mayer Hawthorne

Merry Christmas, everyone. I hope it was good for you. :)