Unforeseen hiatus due to the sudden onslaught of requirements our teachers needed to compute our grades. But I digress.

Dearest you,

Whoever you are, if you are reading this, and if you have stood by me, and persevered through all the molehills and mountains with me, these past four years. If we’ve stayed up late nights, exchanging frantic messages, whining about ungodly deadlines. If we’ve celebrated victories, cried over losses and hoped for something greater and more beautiful than we could ever have imagined. If we’ve shared stories and laughter, music and things dear to our hearts. If we’ve given each other a piece of ourselves, and if we’ve kept pieces of each other to make us really, completely whole. If we loved life enough to go on, even if the going got really, really tough—

Thank you.

It’s been a great ride. I’m pretty sure I’m going to miss this, but I’m kind of glad it’s mostly over. The world has been so good to me, and God has blessed me so much. I’m so grateful for everything that has happened, because I got hurt and I loved and I learned.

Thank you so much for believing in me.

Love,
Carina

made for school two years ago, but still relevant.
I mean it when I say that I hope you are all happy now.

For Valentine’s Day 2010, I have no plans. I really don’t think much of this holiday. I don’t look forward to it (except maybe for the fact that it is Jamie‘s birthday today), and I also don’t really despise it, as some people seem to. Just because you are “alone” on this day, it doesn’t mean you can’t spread the love anymore. There are so many other people you can show your love to. Not just boyfriends or girlfriends or what-have-you.

I showed myself love today, for example, by buying a scarf for myself. I don’t care that the weather is threatening to go to oven-level temperatures, or if people will think I am dumb for wearing a scarf in this heat. I love it, so I bought it:

It’s from Promod, if anyone is wondering.

Tonight, I’m going to show love to my family that I love them by going to dinner with them, instead of being a dork and staying at home, working on schoolwork. In order to do this, I am finishing as much schoolwork as I can before dinner. This practice, I am taking as showing love… to the future of my grades. (!)

Other than this, I am trying to be nicer in general. No more insensitive or overly mean comments out loud (at least I’m hoping). I know that doesn’t really eliminate the negative air and environment in my mind, but it’s a start. I really have been super impatient with people recently, and I think that Valentine’s Day or no, it’s about time that I showed them love in this way—being patient, understanding, non-judgmental—regardless of who they are.

So, those are my two cents. In my whole life, I have only spent one year (out of twenty-one) with somebody, but I’m realizing that being “alone” on Valentine’s Day isn’t really a reason to disregard every other opportunity to express love to other people, even if it’s not the romantic kind.

What about you? Any plans or special insight today?

For the month of February, I’m going to be joining in on Gala Darling’s Radical Self Love. I am not a “playgirl” and I don’t usually do things like this, but I think it might be good for me. In any case, it’s going to be something for me to do, and if it doesn’t work, then I lose nothing, really. I don’t know why, but I really feel like this will do me a lot of good. Or if not a lot, at least a little bit.

Some anonymous Tumblr reader actually asked me who I blamed for my low self-esteem. I didn’t really think I came off that way, but a complete stranger (at least, I’m assuming s/he is one) seems to think so. I’m not enormously bothered by the comment, but this challenge really seems to be a good idea. So there. I’m embarking on this journey for February. There may or may not be updates, but if things get a little silent around here, it might be because of this. Or it also might be because of the fact that I am scrambling to actually graduate.

In any case, here’s to making most out of the current month. I hope you all enjoy and experience yours in the greatest possible way.

Not too long ago, I conducted a give-away on this website. I had a lot of fun doing it, and I enjoyed hearing people’s reactions when they got my hastily-wrapped packages in the mail:

Patricia’s Tweet.

Tim’s Tumblr.

On the subject of freebies and giving away stuff: I actually posted a somewhat cryptic post right here, and I am going to update about what went down (haha) and why it was posted, just to illuminate y’all, and I suppose, to let some stuff out.

So, recently, I’ve been posting about the ID Seniors’ Thesis Exhibit, Flux, and I know you’ve only heard good things about it on this exhibit, but some of us were a little disappointed with how some people took the exhibit as. See, a few of us produced some merchandise to go with our thesis projects (mostly badges/buttons/pins and stickers), admittedly to attract people. It was also done partly to help people visualize our projects in the context of actual supplementary output, and also as part of our individual exhibits.

In the middle of the week, we started noticing an influx of people visiting the exhibit, from all over the school. Sure, we told out respective circles (and they were supportive—thanks, bbs) and put the word out on our respective online accounts, but we didn’t really have a solid promotional strategy. So the volume of the visitors were overwhelming.

And then we realized that the freebies were doing their job.

I’m not even going to comment, because it’s such an old topic and it’s stupid to whine about it. I’m grateful for the people that passed by, I really am. It’s just sad to see how the exhibit panned out (in terms of this issue), because we really wanted feedback from an actual viewership, and a few of us never even got any constructive feedback.

I’ll just let the photos do the talking, since that’s what they’re here for:

Kris Caguiat’s.

(The flower corsage.)

Merky’s.

Mark Carandang’s. Someone took his seed packets… even though they were empty.

One of my feedback forms.

And another one.

From our collective guestbook.

Two of the last remaining pins by Derrick. He pinned them on the shirts
because people kept on taking them, even though they were only for display.

From Patricia Magsino’s table. Someone took one even though it was already pinned to the tablecloth.

Tricia Gosingtian’s. This was actually planted by a friend of ours for kicks.

As was this one. (Pats Padla’s.)

And it’s funny because we were apologetic about it at first:

Rich Tuason’s.

Celina Borromeo’s.

Mine.

I hope I don’t sound like an ingrate (because I really am thankful that people went!) but it’s problematic to me because the merch was supposed to be a sort of appetizer, but people didn’t stick around for the main course. (Following my previous metaphor, by this I meant the actual exhibits.) A friend had condoms on his table—for display purposes—and people took those, too! I mean, a condom, really?

I don’t know, I have a feeling I might be overreacting, but it was really disappointing that people only went for the free stuff, and some of them didn’t even look at the actual set-ups or read through our theses or what-have-you. I hope I’m not overreacting, really. I just really had to let this out, because it’s been bugging me for the past few weeks. I’m pretty touchy about it in real life, too. So, if I’m evasive about giving you a pin when you ask me for one, this is probably why. (But if we’re good friends or if I promised you one, then it’s O.K. to bug me about it.)

For the past few weeks, I’ve been meaning to write about something but I can’t seem to get started on it until after I get this off my non-existent chest: I love television. There’s just really something about it that “draws me in,” so to speak. I love it so much that, I took a class on Television as an elective on the last semester of my entire life as a student. (Maybe.) I love it so much that, instead of writing a paper for Political Science due tomorrow, I watched five episodes of a T.V. show that I had already seen. Thank God for afternoon classes, am I right?

I love it so much that even my e-mail seems to know, as in the process of writing this entry, this appears on my inbox:

I know, precious. I know.

I don’t even know where I’m going with this, I just felt the need to write about something that I love so much. I guess it’s partly the fact that the last season of LOST is airing tomorrow (inwardly flailing… as well as outwardly) and also partly because the last episode of Dollhouse, ever, aired last week. It’s a mixture of excitement for something I have waited for for so long, and also of sadness and relief due to the semblance of closure I was left with when Joss Whedon answered all my questions and justified (most of) the mindfrakkery that went along with watching his most recent series.

I suppose, in a way, that’s exactly what I’m setting myself up for, for the sixth and final chapter of LOST. This season is decidedly important because a) it will reveal to the world the secrets behind the island, and b) we finally get to know who (what?) Richard Alpert is. Those aren’t the only unanswered questions, obviously. I mean, considering everything that’s been happening to that show since the first season, I think the writers really have some ‘splaining to do. I only wish I had the time to list them all down.

And I just know that when it airs tomorrow, I will be excited and frightened and also, sad, because it’s just another step bringing us closer to the end. And even though I want to watch them forever and ever on my television screen, I know it’s not going to be possible. The wonderful part of being attached to T.V. characters is that you (hopefully) get to see them grow and be the people that the writers and visionaries intended them to be. The sad part is that you really have to let go of them, eventually. (I’m talking to you, 7th Heaven.)

But I still do miss you, Topher Brink.

Someone asked for songs for a lonely February. Here are some sad ones, I guess:

1. Alone Again • Illinois
2. Glue Girls • Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin
3. I Don’t Want to Walk Around Alone No More • The Lucksmiths
4. The Lonely 1 • Wilco
5. I Am a Lonesome Hobo • Bob Dylan
6. So Come Back, I Am Waiting • Okkervil River
7. Owner of a Lonely Heart • Grizzly Bear (Yes cover)
8. How Fucking Romantic • The Magnetic Fields
9. I Am Leaving You Because I Don’t Love You • Jens Lekman
10. Loneliness is Not Better When You’re Alone • Hello Saferide
11. Lonely Lonely • Feist
12. Don’t I Hold You? • Wheat
13. The District Sleeps Alone Tonight • The Postal Service
14. In the Cinema Alone • Memphis
15. Skeleton Jar • Youth Group
16. Romantic Comedy • Stars
17. Your Heart is an Empty Room • Death Cab for Cutie
18. Motorcycle Drive By • Third Eye Blind
19. I Always Knew • Tilly and the Wall
20. So Long, Lonesome • explosions in the sky

Here’s the .zip file. Enjoy!

So now, I’ll be werkin’ on a quality post. Maybe. Or, I hope so.