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Oversharing No. 4: Lost and Found

In January, I feel like I was on a more obsessive quest to document everything, excited to “make something” out of what I had collected by the end of 2016. At the time, I had just almost wrapped up with Esquire Philippines, and was more or less free to do and go wherever I wanted because I was, again, unemployed. Looking back at my Camera Roll then and now—well, I guess let’s just say, it’s not very exciting, here in April. Visually, anyway. I’ve been doing a lot of quote, unquote exciting things—I started a new job in February, that I love doing—but I’ve also kind of stopped keeping track of things. I guess it’s the lack of time? Or maybe I just don’t care as much anymore.

I was having lunch with a friend yesterday and the subject of being so connected to the Internet all the time came up, and she was saying how a weekend of disconnection made her feel. And I absolutely get that. It’s frustrating to keep checking if your tweet or post or picture “flopped,” and maybe, ultimately, the Internet is a big popularity contest now. But I guess I remember a time when it didn’t use to be that way, and like, a huge part of me misses that. And I think subconsciously, it’s why I’m never around here anymore. It’s not the same and type of people who would probably keep the type of blogs I’d have obsessed over when I was a baby teen probably think blogs are dumb. Probably because a lot are. Or maybe “dumb” isn’t even the correct word; it’s all just very sterilized and impersonal, and at times, way too desperate for traffic and/or likes. Everything just feels like some sort of elaborate production.

Which isn’t to say that this isn’t a dumb blog.

I think you can tell that it is, ha… and maybe it’s presumptuous to think that people give a shit about what I have to write about, but I guess I feel like I don’t want to compete with the numbers and I don’t want to keep a blog schedule and obsess over hits and tailor what I write and post to a set of SEO keywords, when all this Internet sharing just used to be people talking about anything and everything. My friend said she felt bad when she realized that she was good at social media, and I think that it’s because it almost feels like you’re good at manipulation and um, some type of strategy. I don’t really know why it feels kind of gross, if you’re not doing the strategizing for a brand or whatever, but I think it almost feels like you’re tricking people or something. Or like you care too much.

I’ve always said this: you are not a brand, so I guess I’m trying to act more like a person. With an Internet connection.

So, I didn’t take any photos of that lunch (though a part of me wishes I had, just to keep). And like, it’s not because I’m a photographer or anything, but I guess I had been doing this—keeping track and keeping—since I was in high school. Which if you needed reminding, started in 2002, 14 years ago. Probably even earlier than that, though not as thoroughly because all I had then was a Pentax. I still have letters from people I don’t even talk to anymore.

I guess I’m realizing that just because I don’t quite fully get the point of why I do this doesn’t mean that it’s pointless. A great chunk of my life has been spent talking to people online, and maybe that’s sad for some people, but before everyone was attached to their phones and “social media,” this was really all I had when I needed to say or share something. It didn’t matter who was on the other end, because most of the time, if they had come across what I had written, they really listened.

  • I know what you mean! My work is completely centered on social media and even when I’m not in the office, I’m on social constantly. Everything’s about self-branding these days, so much so that one can easily tell how contrived half of the posts (by people, not brands) we are exposed to on a day to day basis. As someone who values aesthetics, I see the good in wanting to improve personal content but it also becomes an added layer that prevents us from really connecting with one other.

    I also miss blogs where people talked *mostly* about the things they like, not the things they’re paid to like! (Nothing wrong with earning some money but blogs that aren’t generally PR machines are a dime a dozen.)

    Been following your blog for a while now, Carina. I’ve remained a quiet listener for so long but today, I wanted to let you know that your blog is one of my breathers in this PR-crazy world. :)

    • Hi Dani! Thank you so much for your kind words and for leaving a comment. :) And for reading! I know what you mean; it’s also tiring for me, as someone who loves blogs, to see shilled content everywhere all the time.

  • disqus_YB0cIuRQ5Q

    My favorite blogs, those I seek out and subscribe to, are still the personal ones. Blogs that review brands, products, and even experiences are great as references but not for leisurely reading. I still love blogs that write about life, thoughts, personal crises, and I’m perpetually grateful that you still update yours.

    I guess I just want to let you know that I still give a shit.

    • Hello, thank you so much.

  • You know, as I was reading this, I kept nodding along, going YES, I GET THIS. There was a lot more listening when it came to reading people’s blog posts (and social media), and to a point, we’ve gotten so fixated on numbers and keywords and popularity. There’s a lot less meaning attached.

    Anyway, this is me saying 1) hai <3, 2) I totally agree and raise my fist in agreement with everything here, and 3) this blog is not dumb and is in fact inhabited by an amazing person who continues to inspire. /micdrop

    • CINDY I MISS YOU. 1) HAI <3, 2) HAPPY TO SEE YOU STILL UPDATE YOURS, 3) THANK YOU I LOVE YOU, 4) SORRY FOR THE CAPSLOCK

  • I keep on nodding and agreeing with you as I was reading this post. Social media has taken a different turn over the past few years, sometimes it’s wonderful but most of the time it’s frustrating and overwhelming. It’s like being authentic is now something that we should achieve as well.

    ” I guess I feel like I don’t want to compete with the numbers and I don’t want to keep a blog schedule” — Yes to this! It’s tiring to keep up with those kind of stuff anyway. So I guess, I am gravitating towards blog that have more personal/journal content rather than branded ones.

    At the end of the day, I guess it doesn’t boil down to the numbers. Just like what you said, it
    s more important that someone actually listens. Keep on sharing! :)