Anyway, I guess I shot myself in the foot by saying I was going to post a follow-up to my last post, an actually rather thorough-ish post on Art Fair PH 2016… and then disappearing. “An echo of that old feeling” is from a book I’m reading right now by Sarah Manguso, and it adequately describes my sheepish return, even though it was originally used in a more serious and much sadder context.

I actually do have a good excuse for the disappearing act, though. I have a new job. I’m doing most of the visual stuff for CNN Philippines Life, which I’m working on with Raymond, Don, Sam, Aldrin, and Fiel. I’m going by first names, so you all have to guess who~ these people are, but I mean. It’s not going to be that hard.

Anyway, my favorite stories for this first run are this Q&A with Isa Lorenzo and the curator of her Filipinas exhibit, Deanna Ongpin-Recto, Hannah Reyes’ first column for us, and of course, our cover story, a look at how Lav Diaz’s Hele sa Hiwagang Hapis was made, written by Jansen, whose writing I love and always enjoy.

I also spent about nine days in Hong Kong (more on that later—I’m not lying!). We went to Art Central HK, Art Basel Hong Kong, and passed by a smattering of the usual galleries, which was enjoyable. We stayed in my cousin’s beautiful home and for a few days, I really didn’t want to leave, until I figured that I had to… and also as was dictated by our return tickets.

Other than that, I’ve been:

— abusing the dog filter on Snapchat

— harrassing Don, who is technically my superior

Although, to be fair, he is the one who called himself a butt.

— overloading on caffeine

— making stuff for Art in the Park 2016

West Gallery joined once, but I’ve only gotten to partake in the last few years’ through other galleries namely Blanc and Artinformal. This year, I have three pieces with Silverlens, from a new series I named Minor Territories. Art in the Park is going to be held tomorrow Jaime Velasquez Park in Salcedo Village, Makati, from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. More details here.

— taking photographs of my dog in repose

A tru work of art.

And in the interest of tradition, this was my “currently” last night after work, along with an excerpt from Sarah Manguso’s The Guardians, which has so far been really beautiful, but also really heartbreaking:

a digression: I was looking to pass the time before going home, and was seized by this really heavy kind of void settling in my chest. Which, of course, I remedied by reading a book by someone who was mourning the death of her friend who had walked in the way of a train. But, anyway. I figured it had been a combination of really rather unfortunate factors (like my period; like my single cup of coffee the day after I downed 5 cups before lunch; like not enough sleep; like this round of antibiotics). I do think I’d like to go back to a therapist, though probably not the same one I initially spoke with all those months ago. I keep talking about not having enough time, but I also find myself wasting (in my mind) a lot of it, so maybe I should spend “down time” doing worthwhile things. I constantly find myself in the middle of wanting to get better and thinking that nothing matters in the end, and maybe that part is true, but it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t pursue a better state. Or something.

What have been my thoughts lately? I don’t know where to start. Even thinking has been a tedious affair, and I find myself shutting down and trying to set aside thoughts “for later,” although I end up not coming back to them. And I’m not sure if I’ve properly processed a lot of things, too many things—concerning myself and the world and how to survive and how to make other people’s time here easier to bear, too.

Thinking tires me out, but I’ve been writing some stuff down, for better or worse. And maybe that’ll help me get through whatever this has been.