AKA, this is not a cry for help, just a little bit of honesty
I get low-key anxiety whenever I think of a new blog post for some reason, so I’m going to backtrack and do what I used to do on LiveJournal, when my blogging and storytelling were ~quality~ (I’m using the sarcasm font, keep up!)
Obviously a lot has happened since my last post, and even on the days in between. I saw this post on Tumblr that kind of described where I am at this point of my life:
There’s a lot of sifting through of thoughts and feelings and deciding which ones are “okay” to share with the general public. I came from a time when nerd-ass losers like myself (no offense) were the only ones with blogs, really, and no one talked about the blogs in real life. No one actually really ever talked about the internet unless it was about looking stuff up or chatting with strangers or stealing music.
And people with blogs and personal websites just said whatever they wanted without fear of judgment or of a future where strangers will pull up old dumb stuff you said and wave it around your face as proof that you’re a terrible person. That hasn’t happened to me, really—thank God—but it happens.
Anyway, my point to this ultra long tangent is that people like me, who are used to writing in blogs in a very candid manner, have a somewhat hard time assimilating to the blogging culture at large right now. (This wasn’t something I was planning on writing about, by the way.) I don’t want to blog the way people seem to expect bloggers to. When someone asks me what my blog is about, I say “Personal” ending it with the raised lilt of a question because who the fuck would care about my personal blog?
But anyway. Anyway. I guess my point is that I can’t really say anything without thinking anymore, but it’s hard to think of what to say instead. So, hi!
I’ve breached the topic of me feeling a little bit “meh,” to put it eloquently, and I’ve been trying to do a bunch of things to help me get out of this funk. After consuming an insane amount of fanfic, I found myself really hard-pressed to finish books. I’ve had to treat it like homework, honestly, but I’m hoping this method makes it easier for me to absorb and process information. I don’t blame it on fanfic, really. I think my state of mind is currently nestled in a “leave me alone in my comfort” state and I have to kick it sometimes because that’s not healthy. Or it’s not what I want, anyway.
It’s kind of weird, but I feel way more immature—in terms of responsibility, finances, etc—now than I’m 26 than when I was in college. Emotional/mental health is a different question altogether, so let’s skip that.
Anyway, here’s a nice photo of me reading by the sea, photo taken by my sister. I don’t really have a lot of long days that I can’t skip out on when I need to, but it felt nice to be away for a while. I wish it was a longer vacation. I just wanted to read and paint and eat.
We ended up watching my cousin’s play, Saturday Night Fever, and he played Bobby C. He was amazing, I’m very proud of him. I always wondered what it would be like to have some type of performing arts be my life’s passion. It seems like a hard dream to follow, but maybe it’s because it’s not my dream.
For those asking for the video to me singing/playing the uke, here’s a short, LQ one I shot with Photobooth. This is just for fun, don’t fight me:
Friendly reminder that people are allowed to be bad at stuff they enjoy.