Wow, this is officially the list I’ve kept on doing the longest. Perhaps because it’s the most self-absorbed one? Probably. Not that this whole blog isn’t just a big ol’ tribute to myself… I mean, if you really think about it.
Today, I was reading Neil Gaiman’s The Sandman Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones, and I’m very nearly done with Leslie Jamison’s The Empathy Exams and Amy Poehler’s Yes Please. To say that this has been, thus far, a disappointment in my reading speed, frequency, and interest, is a gross understatement.
I’m trying to write a bunch of stuff for Supreme, because February is going to be such a busy month for me. I’m a little terrified but excited at the same time. I hope it doesn’t cross over to me not wanting to do anything. Because that happens when I feel too overwhelmed.
Aside from drowning my sorrows in some Ryan Adams, shamelessly living through some nostalgia c/o blink-182, I’ve been looping Aly Cabral’s “Would You Do The Same For Me” on loop. I found it on Petersen‘s Twitter. You can here it here:
Guess what? One of my dinosaur discoveries for 2015 is Spotify. I just got it and it’s making my life 1000x easier, since most of my music’s on my laptop and I absolutely haven’t transferred most of it to my desktop.
About how my miniscule problems are so irrelevant in the greater scheme of things with all the crap that’s going on in the world.
But it still pisses me off how rude and passive aggressive some people can be.
You know the smell of nothing? That’s what I’m smelling right now, and it’s a little weird.
Well, honestly, I’m not really in a “wishing” mood because I’m feeling a little surly that these things are kind of good for nothing and in reality, you really have to work for anything you want to happen for yourself.
To kickstart February with the same fervor I began January and lost along the way. So far, this has not been a success. As far as February 1st goes anyway. Most of today was spent napping. To be fair, I took allergy meds, but still. I’m sure other people in the world has made themselves some degree of usefulness today. Unlike me.
A super old H&M tank when I used to still buy H&M (it’s got a peace sign made of flowers!) and boxers from Uniqlo.
Hmm, I’ve been really enjoying Spotify (hahaha), my Midori + Field Notes system that I need to remember to keep using. The past few weeks have honestly been such a listless haze.
Oh, I’ve been really loving Togetherness, which is a new show on HBO created by the Duplass brothers, the midwives on The Mindy Project. I’ve also gotten back into making videos, which I always found to be such a fun process, if a little tedious at times and kind of “not my thing,” because it’s talking in public, basically. Except it totally is. It’s My Thing.
And OK, even though I feel really shitty right now, 2015 has been a good year so far. I don’t know where all these feelings are coming from, but objectively speaking, it’s been a good 30 or so days. The fact that I had to delete “great” to type in “good” is probably a sign of something. I don’t know what of, but it’s a sign for sure.
Cojones. Where can I get those? Ugh. I feel really quite rudderless and useless, and so many things all at once.
Motivation, probably. A pill that will make me more attuned to my “grown up” qualities. Because honestly, I feel like a child even though I’m well over 26. Yep, you read that right.
Really, really disappointed by a lot of things and a lot of people, but I don’t want to be a dweller anymore.
Honestly, I sometimes feel like being positive is a choice, and I just want to have the capacity to make that choice, and also to make choices that are ultimately beneficial to me. Even if I feel, in some particular moment, that I really, really don’t want to make those choices.
Be kind, be kinder, be the bigger person, understand more, et cetera, et cetera.
Here are a few of my favorite reads from the last week or so:
- In Manila, Two Seasons, No Regrets by Laurel Fantauzzo, which is a beautiful piece in the NYT Modern Love column. I went to Ateneo to hear her Kritika Kultura talk with Ned Parfan, and Laurel read a bit from her YA novel in the works called Somewhere There are Trees, which should be finished. Eventually. But I want it now. Alas.
- Friendship is Complicated by Maria Bustillos got me watching My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, which to be honest, is kind of really fun.
- Mr. President, Feel for the Fallen, an op-ed by Criselda Yabes is essentially how I feel about Noynoy Aquino being a no-show.
- Why I’m dropping everything to photograph a river by Luc Forsyth. I saw this on my feed, c/o my friend Hannah‘s post and it’s just an honest read about losing sight of why you do what you do, and then reconnecting with the why.
- On what could have been: by Petra, because like always, it is beautiful.
- Liz Uy’s beauty philosophy is something I wrote for Supreme. Just a few questions. By the way, her power lipstick is “red, of course!”
This is a depressing TSC and I don’t really want it to be, but it’s where I am right now, and I don’t think people will care, anyway. And if they do, they really, really shouldn’t, because there’s too much crap to feel bad about in the world already.
This is just me figuring some stuff out.